Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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