you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
