If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
