Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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