I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
