My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
