Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
