sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
