I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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