I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
