Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
high people should be assigned attendants
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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