My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
