the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
