He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
