she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
