Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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