Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
