can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
