Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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