wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize