the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
did you just send me my own nude
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
