my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
