That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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