I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
