youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
