how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
