I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
