Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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