I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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