I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
