Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
