he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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