Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
