Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
