he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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