Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
