they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
