HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
