Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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