So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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