My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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