We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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