I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
