If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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