why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
