Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
