Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
