Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
