this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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