Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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