her vagine was all disorganized.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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