How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
