Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
