Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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