Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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