Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
