I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
