I could have mohawked her pubes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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