I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
