I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
