she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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