The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
