Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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