Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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