hotel room ftw
I'm drive I can fine osifer
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
