Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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