oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
