So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
