I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
