She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
