I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
