Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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