They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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