You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
