Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
