I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
