NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
