I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They have beer where we have blood.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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