Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He better not be in your backpack
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
